
It has been more than a week since my last post. It has been an uncomfortable period, there is much I could have written about but little of it was pleasant. I suppose I have been depressed.
I don't have to feel good to write. But, the feelings I am nursing now are not the kind that give birth to stories.
I will try to log on every few days and write something, anything, just to keep the process flowing. But, my heart is not in it.
I am wondering lately if my moods display a cyclical pattern. I don't know if it is the approach of winter that is affecting me or if I am just passing through a manic/depressive cycle with a long periodicity. Manic/depressive is probably too strong a term. Or, maybe it isn't, I don't know.
I remember that my Aunt Betty used to talk about our wonderful family curse of manic depression. She said that we were given a genetic gift enabling us to soar like eagles in our own minds. The only price for this gift was the necessity of enduring corresponding periods of sadness and dispair. I don't think I am experiencing dispair, but sadness is an apt description.
When I feel more desire to write I will try to explore these days after they have passed. In the meantime, bear with me.
2 comments:
Roy, I am so sorry that you are fighting sadness---but fighting it is a good thing. I've been a lifelong sufferer of depression, finally settling for a chemical reprieve. I didn't do it lightly, but I can't imagine my life now without it. I'm not trying to push any answer, but I know there are answers out there, and I so admire people who look for them. Please keep telling your stories. I'll keep looking for them.
Thanks, Little Brother. I know exactly what your are saying. The Bull Goose never let anything get him down and showed little patience for those who showed signs of quitting. But, despite his brave face, I suspect he was familiar with the feelings I am describing. (Note to readers; Little Brother and I know each other in the non-cyber world, and the Bull Goose is a real person who still influences us both greatly.)
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