Addressing Issues

Sometimes life is "two steps forward and one step back." Lately it seems I’ve been back stepping.

I shared in a 12-Step meeting recently about having lost my temper and turning on someone in an angry outburst of words. I was ugly and meant to be hurtful. Within minutes I had apologized, but by then the damage was done. It is true that words cannot break bones, but neither can they be taken back.

After I spoke several other members shared on the topic of "acceptance". They assured me that I am not alone in displaying old, bad behaviors. They too have spoken angry words rooted in resentment and fear, even while living in recovery. They reminded me that the illness which brought me into our fellowship is one I will live with forever; that my disappointing behavior is the result of faulty thinking rooted in my disease.

My role then is to admit when I am wrong and to apologize. Then, to continue practicing the principles of our program in all my affairs. The lesson for me in this is that I am not perfect. I will continue to disappoint others and myself for I am only human. When I act wrongly it is important that my next action be to do the right thing.

My angry outburst demonstrated to me that I have outside issues which need to be addressed. I have learned in this 12-Step program that it is appropriatde to seek outside help for outside issues. So, I have made an appointment to speak with a professional about some things that I believe are contributing to unacknowledged resentment and fear within me.

Only a few years ago I would be self-righteously defending my bad actions and dismissing any suggestion that my behavior needed to change. But, it seems that I am changing. That, I think, is progress.