Why Blog?

Not every blog post has to be an attempt to explore profound truths (I'm telling myself that, not you.) This blog is just a rambling discussion with myself.

I shared the secret that I blog with some friends recently. Afterward I asked myself why I had told them. Was I just looking for attention? I decided my reason was different in each case.

I told Benny because I wanted to reconnect with an old friend at a personal level. We live a thousand miles apart now and I miss the conversations we used to have over lunch when we worked together years ago. Sharing my blog seemed to be a chance to reopen a channel of communication, at least in one direction.

I told John because he is an author and I am interested in his feedback. It has been years since I took a course in composition and had a teacher to offer criticism of my writing. I would like to hear John's opinion whether it is that he finds my words to be "sloppy and self-absorbed" or "tightly woven and spell binding." John hasn't said anything yet. Maybe he is being kind.

I told my sister because we have grown so far apart over the years. I don't speak with her often and our visits are years apart. I want her to know more about who I am. Of course, she may already know me very well. She may know me better than I know myself. Still, I would like her to learn something about me from my writing.

I told my 12-Step sponsor because I want him to have an opportunity to see me from all possible angles. I don't want to hide any part of me from my sponsor. He is the one person to whom I have chosen to be completely accountable. I'm not sure I have told him I view our relationship in that way. If not then he will read it here. I'm sure he will offer feedback, soon.

But, why have I chosen to share myself with a world of strangers through this blog? My reason is a selfish one. I have learned that sharing thoughts and feelings honestly is cleansing and healing for me. I learned that fact in a group setting where we speak for five minutes to others we know only by first name. I leave the meetings in which I have shared feeling better. I feel better after sharing myself in a blog post.

Or, maybe I am doing this just because I am self-absorbed. I remember my brother once described my infequent visits as occasions in which I "show up every couple of years and talk about myself for hours." His words stung me but I sensed their truth as I heard them and I appreciated his candor, although I don't remember telling him so.

Being self-absorbed is certainly one of my character defects. I acknowledge being selfish and self-centered and I work at being less so. I have many other character defects as well.

I need to express myself. It is just part of my human nature. I don't expect always to be right or to be understood but I need to express myself. I express things in this blog that I would not in face to face converstion. That is a good thing. Many topics I write about here are more personal than those I would discuss openly with most people. Some topics would just be boring to others. By writing about them here I allow the reader to just move on without having to tell me "I really don't care to know any more about this."

I feel better just having written what I did above.